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‘We’re ‘human beings’ not ‘human doings’ after all’ – I heard this phrase recently and it struck a chord. I often get asked ‘how are you? Busy I hope’… Or when someone asks you how you are, how often is it a reflex reaction to say; ‘good, busy’. It’s like we’re so accustomed to living in this way it’s begun to feel normal, and for a lot of us, myself included, life is busy, life is full, colourful, and messy at times – with three children, including a toddler in tow, working for myself, a household to run, a dog to walk, kids activities, birthdays, client work, personal work, projects, courses, exercise… the to do list never seems to end.
But lately this past week, I’ve realised – once again, the hard way, that taking on too much ‘doing’ – isn’t a badge of honour at all, it’s a sure fire way to lead to burn out. Since studying mindfulness and mediation, I have become more and more in tune with my body and managing my stress and anxiety, however that doesn’t mean I’m immune to falling into bad habits – (it just means I have a tool kit to fall back on when I do), and this past month has been a case of slipping into bad habits, it has by all means been a little too busy, and sometimes life happens is that way, but the busier I became the less time I found I had to do the things that I know make me feel good, the things that make me feel calm and help me to manage my stress… my gym sessions suddenly went out the window, no time… eating nutritious meals, no, I’ve not got time… need to meet a deadline… sleep – pah! No time for that, in fact I’m ashamed to say several nights in a row my laptop came to bed with me. I had an early morning meeting – I should have cancelled I was by all means exhausted but instead I ploughed on, plastering a little fake tan on my face to give the appearance of looking a little more ‘alive’.
And I’m ashamed to say, this was an old familiar pattern rearing its head – I remember the night before I had my daughter instead of taking the time to feel calm and take care of myself I was ‘busy’, my laptop nestled on top of my bump in bed, editing pictures for a client until gone midnight, I must finish before the baby arrives – I must ‘do’ this… no actually, if I could go back in time I would swiftly remove said laptop from our bedroom, remind myself that certain things can wait, and taking care of myself and my energy and stress levels was far more important. Oh the power of hindsight. And yet, even though, I have all the knowledge, it’s easy to slip back into old patterns.
“I had taken on a lot all at once, and I had survived in this mode – this fight or flight mode – for several weeks, firing through my to do list, rushing from one thing to the next, skipping meals, topping up on caffeine, skimping on sleep, until. Until my body said no more!”
I’d planned to get out my laptop once the kids were in bed, I needed to send some emails and do some work. And then out of nowhere, my stomach was in knots, agonising stomach pains that felt like my body was being torn apart stopped me in my tracks. I grabbed the side of the chair to steady myself, my knuckles white, I hadn’t felt pains like this since for years, I have IBS and endometriosis but I’ve had treatment and haven’t felt a flare up like this for as long as I can remember, not that it was necessarily that, I’m not a doctor but I do recognise my own body, and it was giving me a severe warning sign – waving a big red flag – slow down!
It was time I listened, I couldn’t not, the cramps were so intense I couldn’t move. My plans made a swift u-turn, I wasn’t going to be doing anything that evening. I rode the waves of pain with a hot water bottle in tow, and took myself to bed early once my little people had drifted off, and I listened to that intuition, that inner voice saying you need to stop.
I think sometimes our bodies do this, stop us in our tracks before we burn out. We start thinking all the ‘doing’ is the most important thing, but it’s not, being is. Being here. Being present, being healthy, filling our cups, we know all this deep down but it is easy to slip into negative patterns. I’ve taken this week as a reminder to myself to prioritise wellbeing – to reestablish healthy habits, the rest can wait! If an email isn’t sent immediately, if a client has to wait, all of that isn’t life and death – but if we don’t look after ourselves we won’t have anything left to give.
With that in mind I have scrapped my to do list for the rest of the week, and have a new agenda, it’s a simple one; Rest!
It may sound simple, but ‘breathe’ with intention. Find a quiet space, put your hands on your heart, left palm over right, close your eyes and take three deep breaths, and then let your breath fall to its natural rhythm, try repeating one of the following mantras to yourself;
On the inhale; ‘I am calm’, on the exhale; ‘I am safe’ or on the inhale; ‘I am held… and on the exhale; ‘this will pass’. Or simply count 1,2,3 or in the inhale, and 3,4,5 on the exhale. Alternatively create your own calming mantra, something simple that will work for you.
By taking the focus to your breathe and the loving act of placing your palms on your heart its likely to help lower your heart rate and calm your spiralling mind.
Telling someone with anxiety to calm down is unlikely to help them, but telling yourself to calm down and self soothing can have a positive effect.
Take a moment of awareness to notice what is happening when your mind feels like it’s spiralling and actively choose to pause. By having a sense of awareness it can help you to distance yourself from the intensity of your feelings and rationalise your thoughts.
Try and remember ‘you are not your thoughts and emotions’, and instead of getting caught up in the web of thinking of yourself as highly anxious alternatively try thinking ‘I am feeling some anxiety right now, what can I do to help myself?’ By acknowledging your feelings, labelling the emotion and tuning in to your needs and how you can help yourself may help give you back a sense of control, and tap into that inner knowing that these feeling of anxiety will soon pass.
Put down your phone and step outside, take in the fresh air and go for a walk, it may be what you feel least like doing but it will do you the world of good.
Ideally take a walk in nature, being in nature is healing in itself, and walking is known to calm down the nerve cells in your brain that relax the senses and boost feel good endorphins. By taking a simple walk in the park, you may well help yourself to dilute negative thoughts and lift your mood.
Please note these are tips from my personal tool box, if you are suffering from anxiety please seek help from a medical professional.
I recently set off on a venture to the big smoke for a day of promise; a Manifest Workshop with self-made manifesting queen, Roxie Nafousi.
Billed as a day to ‘leave you inspired, motivated, and ready to make your dreams a reality.” I was all in!
Whether or not you believe there’s anything to manifesting you’ve got to admit it does all sound pretty alluring.
I set off on my journey, intrigued for what the day had in store, though after a closed road en-route to the station, and a cancelled train, I firstly needed to manifest a way to get myself there, pronto – as I began to feel a slight panic arise that I would miss the day entirely, I promptly remembered the premise of the workshop; to change my thoughts and think positively, all I had to do was believe right? Miraculously the universe was listening, as if by magic a train appeared and I made it to the venue a good 45 minutes early, I’m starting to believe there’s something in this already!
The art of ‘manifesting’ isn’t a new concept by any means, some of the ideas date back to the New Thought Movement prominent in the early 1800s, which followed the teachings of Phineas P. Quimby, an American mesmerist and healer. And more recently many of the concepts were set out in the Secret, the best-selling book by Rhonda Byrne, published in 2006, which went on to become a wold-wide phenomenon, selling over 3 million copies and inspiring the 2020 movie – The Secret: Dare to Dream, starring Katie Holmes.
The Secret and manifesting draws on the notion of the law of attraction; “That positive energy attracts positive things into your life, governs your thinking and actions, and how you can use the power of positive thinking to achieve anything you can imagine.” Rhonda Bryne.
Manifesting has a strong celebrity following too, with the likes of Oprah and Lady Gaga said to believe that they manifested their careers. (I imagine this belief was combined with a lot of hard work).
Jim Carrey is also a big advocate of the Law of attraction, so much so that when Carrey was a struggling unknown actor at the start of his career he began practicing visualisation; imagining that he had already become a star, and even wrote himself a cheque for ten million dollars for services rendered – he just had to believe that this would all come to fruition.
The actor said “At that time, all it really was for me was kind of making me feel better. I would drive home and think ‘Well, I do have these things; they’re out there, I just don’t have a hold of them yet, but they’re out there’.” Sure enough Carrey’s visualising efforts and belief system paid off when he landed his first big role in Dumb and Dumber and manifested himself, you guessed it, a cool ten million dollar pay check.
After a brisk walk up a steep hill I arrive at Ally Pally, greeted by a welcoming entrance packed with manifesting merch and inspiring quotes (I do love an inspiring quote), there’s a sign post pointing in different directions adorned with inspiring phrases like; ‘Raise your vibe’ and ‘be the author of your own story’ (I later discover there’s a photograph posted on Roxie’s instagram page of me under the latter – I’m at the start of a new venture and I’d like to write a book, is this a sign I wonder?!). An enticing array of manifesting goodies feast the eyes (and dent the purse); books, journals, tee shirts, caps and wellness products all calling for attention.
I find my seat in the packed auditorium, filled to the brim with an army of women (and a handful of men), eagerly clutching their Manifest books, phones and notepads. Roxie glides onto stage, greeted to rapturous applause, sleek, beautiful and charismatic, it’s easy to see her appeal, especially to the younger generation.
After a false start, when her mike isn’t working, and she decides to re-enter the stage, which in all honesty added an element of ‘real life’ to the day – she tells us; “someone once told you you can’t have it all. I’m here to tell you, you can” this is well received to much whooping from the audience.
The day unfolds with Roxie sharing her story with us, how she went from rock bottom, with zero self-worth, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and hooking up with the wrong kind of men – through to her discovery of manifesting, and ultimately how this changed her life for the better – setting her on a path of self development, and leading her to meet the father of her child. Roxie takes us through her manifesting journey, and how this, coupled with a new found sense of self worth and the ability to take action led her to creating her own guide to manifesting and writing her first book; Manifest 7 Steps to Living Your Best Life.
“Life is beautiful, you have the power to make it so.”
Roxie Nafousi
She explains how she firstly created a detailed vision board with specific goals and dreams in mind – the book was on there, as was being a Sunday Times best-seller, along with many other manifesting goals that have since come to fruition. Roxie explains the importance of the vision board to help “get clarity on what you want your life to look like,” she expresses that it’s key that once you’ve created your board with specific goals in mind, to put it away and not to look at it for several months.
Roxie tells us that (unlike the Secret) manifesting isn’t just about dreaming up something and believing it will happen, but aligning our dreams with taking inspired action, alongside being truly grateful for the life we already have; “it’s about the energy we put out there,” she explains, “like attracts like.”
“Within all of us there is a more empowered version of ourselves“
Roxie Nafouis
Roxie goes on to explain how once she’d had the idea for her book she was then very pro-active and hands on with emailing editors and not taking no for an answer. It worked, she secured herself a deal with Penguin, and has subsequently recently released her second book; Manifest Dive Deeper (the blue one).
“Manifesting is about a vibrational trust, we know with magnetic confidence that these things are coming, and (will) make the life you have even better, it’s a guide.“
Throughout the event, Roxie comes across as heart-led, authentic and engaging, as she leads us through the seven steps of manifesting outlined in her first book (the orange one).
How to Manifest;
1. Be clear in your vision
2. Remove fear and doubt
3. Align your behaviour
4. Overcome tests from the universe
5. Embrace gratitude without caveats
6. Turn envy into inspiration
7. Trust in the universe.
The steps are carefully explained and weaved with personal anecdotes from Roxie’s life. In the afternoon we are invited to close our eyes and participate in two deep guided visualisation meditations.
As someone who regularly practices and has recently qualified in meditation and mindfulness, I found these especially powerful, particularly in a large group setting. The emotion in the room, especially when we were led through an inner child meditation, was palpable.
“The manifesting sweet spot is knowing what you want while being grateful for what you already have.”
Roxie Nafousi
Practicing visualisation is an incredibly useful tool, when we learn to harness our imagination by visualising our brains are wired to conjure up strong associated feelings.
“Imagination is as powerful as reality,” Roxie states. A strong view point, though Forbes magazine emphasises this in their article; The Power Of Visualisation And How To Use it; ‘Visualisation has been used for a very long time in sports. Muhammad Ali’s famous quote “If my mind can conceive it and my heart can believe it – then I can achieve it” already shows that he truly believed in the power of visualization.’
The article goes on to explain how a study in Neuropsychologia discovered that imagining to move certain parts of your bodies almost trains the muscles as much as the actual movement “Our mind is literally very powerful!”
Towards the end of the workshop Roxie comes down off the stage and begins travelling around the floor taking questions from audience; there were hugs, tears and embraces, which was refreshing, and seemed quite American in style, echoing the likes of self help gurus Gabby Burnstein and Brené Brown.
So when a member of the audience asked Roxie what was something that was that was a current manifesting goal of hers, and she replied with; “Oprah, to meet Oprah,” you could envisage this unfolding, like the paving stones were being laid before us.
“The manifesting sweet spot is knowing what you want while being grateful for what you already have. That’s about being able to say, I know where I am headed, but I also have full appreciation for where I am now.“
In my own experience I do believe that there is a lot to the art of manifesting, that the energy we put our there, blended with a strong sense of self belief can help us achieve things we truly put our minds to. When I started out as a photographer, I would practise visualisation, imagining what I’d like to achieve, at the time (having two small babies in tow) some of my dreams seemed far fetched though I’m happy to say a lot of the hopes I had, and the things I visualised came to fruition however this was alongside an awful lot of hard work (and hypnosis to help with my confidence), which, I think sometimes in the age of manifesting the hard work element can be glossed over, and manifesting can seem like an alluring quick fix, our genie in a bottle.
And what if we were too rely too much on ‘manifesting?’ Could there be a worry that on the flip side we blame ourselves when ‘negative things happen, when sometimes life and circumstance present obstacles beyond our control? The human experience means many of us are all likely to experience varying levels of trauma in our lives and that will require deeper work.
Roxie does address the importance of doing deeper inner child work, and explains that cultivating a strong sense of self worth and self love is a key components to being able to manifest successfully.
In essence, and in tandem with a healthy practice of self love, the principles behind the Manifest steps are an inspiring guide to living a more fulfilling life. And like the saying goes; ”Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.’ Henry Ford.
Throughout the day Roxie spoke quite a lot about how she met the father of her young son Wade in her quest for unconditional love, who much to the delight of the audience was there with their young son, Wolfe – though I later realise that they are no longer a couple and are instead focused on having a healthy relationship as co-parents. had I missed this part in her talk, can we not have it all, after all? It got me thinking about having it all… maybe the having it all doesn’t always look the same for everyone, that life and happiness isn’t always neatly tied up with a bow.
I think sometimes there is a pressure on women in particular to feel like we need to ‘have it all’ – a need to prove we can do everything, be everything; have a family, be a great mum, carve a successful career, have a healthy bank balance, a lovely home, the perfect figure, look forever young, have it all figured out – it’s exhausting. Maybe instead of striving to have it all, it’s time to take our foot off the gas?
Perhaps we need to redefine our own definition of success? For me, these days, success is happiness, it’s wellness, love, and acceptance, it’s about quality of life – having a sense of freedom, and feeling inspired, creative and fulfilled. It’s about balance. And the more I think about it, I’m not sure in all honesty I believe having it all is possible, at least not at the same time, particularity if you have a young family. Isn’t it more about asking yourself; ‘what is your priority?’ and ‘how do you want to feel?’
Perhaps when we set ourselves dreams and goals we need to make sure they align with what nourishes our souls, not what society says we should strive for, and embrace our perfectly imperfect, beautiful messy lives, without the ‘I’ll be happy when ‘ component creeping in. For me It’s about whole hearted living, and finally realising that ‘I am enough, just as I am.’
Overall I found Roxie’s workshop inspiring, uplifting and motivating, and Roxie’s steps a great resource for living a more fulfilled life, particularly the work around our belief systems and self-worth. I really enjoyed her first book, it’s an easy read and makes a lot of sense. And I’m looking forward to reading the second, I shall keep you posted.
The day came to a close with Roxie quoting; ‘Life is wonderful, you have the power to make it so.’
And in an age where we are all navigating life post pandemic, perhaps one of the reasons Roxie Nafousi’s message and the joy of manifesting is landing so well with so many – is that it gives us back that element of hope, it puts us back in the driving seat of our lives, and surely that has to be a good thing!
Discover more about Roxie’s workshops, books and manifesting at; https://www.roxienafousi.com/
Simply pour yourself a delicious latte in your favourite cup, and add a special finishing touch with your very own customised chocolate heart (or shape of choice) to bring an extra sprinkle of joy to your special moment.
Ingredients;
Recipe;
1/ Using a clear sheet of acetate draw a heart (approx 3/4 cm in length – adjust depending on your cup size, or mix it up & draw a flower or shape of choice).
2/ Pour yourself a delicious latte – fill the cup up as high as poss without overflowing.
3/ Place your sheet of ascertain on top – with your shape in the centre of the cup.
4/ Holding the sheet and cup steady, fill your sieve with a spoonful of hot chocolate powder, and tap lightly to the side of the sieve on top of the shape, covering the shape with a sprinkling of powder.
5/ Carefully remove the sheet & excess powder.
6/ And voila – your loving latte is ready to serve… enjoy!
Every year, if you’re anything like me – you may fall into the camp of setting yourself a whole list of unachievable resolutions… lose half a stone, write a book, get up every morning and practice yoga, start running & enter 10k, clear out the clutter, travel more, eat healthier, start a new hobby, make home beautiful, start new venture, be more decisive, be more organised, have an exhibition, do more fun things with the kids, earn more, drink less – the list goes on.
Most of which usually peter out by the end of January… though it got me thinking, all these resolutions imply the same thing – I am lacking something… so this year I plan on setting myself just one resolution – well, not so much of a resolution, more of an intention for the year; Be Kinder to Myself; by prioritising wellness and feeling good! (well technically that might be a couple in one but still, you get the gist)…
I’m no longer setting myself up to fail, and yes I may still like to write that book, or lose half a stone but if that doesn’t happen in the imminent future, it’s okay…
Do you have any New Year’s intentions this year?
If you’re thinking of being kinder to yourself too, here’s a few ideas of what that could look like;
‘Rolling out your yoga mat for a sweet little reset‘
Generally, I’m hoping to seek more joy in the every day! And on those days when everything seems to go a little wrong, when the kids are causing chaos, the house has turned upside down and a work deadline is looming, learning to just let it go… because at the end of the day we are all just a work-in progress.
Wishing you a Happy, Healthy 2023 – let’s create our own sunshine!